Boarding groups are a social experiment and I am losing
Let’s talk about boarding groups and the growing epidemic of gate lice. I’m especially talking about the Group 4 people who crowd around the gate during Group 0.
The setup
There are 6 groups on this flight. SIX. The gate agent called “pre-boarding” (fine), then “Group 0”, and immediately ~40 people moved forward. The screen said Group 0. I was group 1. I stayed seated like an idiot.
What actually happened
- Group 0 boarding: a few parents with young children boarded.
- The other 25: a mix of groups 3–6 who just shuffled up and camped around the aisles.
- By the time Group 1 was called, there was a large queue around the gate.
The thing that gets me
It’s not even faster for them. They still sit in the same seat. The plane leaves at the same time. The only thing they gain is standing for 25 extra minutes in a jet bridge that smells like carpet. The most annoying thing was that I like many other Group 1 and 2 passengers thought there was a queue and lined up behind them.
Generally I like to board last but this time I had some slightly illegally overweight cabin bags. I was hoping that boarding with Group 1 would let me sneak on without getting weighed, as well as staking my claim on that precious overhead space.
What I want
- A preboarding space for Groups 1 & 2 like what QF does at SIN. Or even just a few stanchions to funnel people around like what a properly run airport should be doing.
- Seats at the gate that face away from the gate, so nobody can see the queue forming and panic.
- A live “Wall of Shame” screen at the gate, like the shoplifter photos at the servo. Group 4, you are not Group 0, and now the whole terminal knows your face.
Yes, I know. All this to sit in 39A and watch the plane board for another 10 minutes. Yes, my bags are overweight and I’m part of the problem. It’s a very first world problem and I know that.
Anyway I’m Group 1 again tomorrow. I will be sitting down to watch the lice form.